Introducing the 6 Types of Sponsors and what they have to offer to the Kenyan Ladies

[Shocking trending Video of a Lady caught shoplifting and hiding goods in her underwear]

The age of the sponsor is here with us and woe unto the young men who now hardly get the attention of would-be girlfriends who are after the wealthy, "successful" and aged man.

Gone are the days when sponsorship was meant for people who performed well in school (In class and co-curriculum activities). It has come to everyone’s attention in Kenya that "kupata sponsor" is the ‘old new’ thing. By ‘old new’ thing we mean that in the old days, young ladies were forced to get married to old men.

Comparing those days to nowadays, the difference is that now the young ladies are taking themselves forcefully to the older men. All this is not new; it has been there for a long time. The thing that is making the sponsors’ thing so new is the use of the vocabulary in a scenario and the drama that comes afterwards since its sometimes a secret lifestyle that both have to undertake in the proclaimed love affair.

There are several types of ‘sponsors’. From the really old men to young gentlemen chasing after every skirt around them, famously known as ‘mafisi’ (But the mafisi timim can't be classified yet as sponsors because of the obvious reason, they are the ones that chase the young girls).

So now taking a closer look at the types of Sponsors that are at the display of our young desperate girls;

#1. Unlimited Sponsors.

They sponsor you in all directions. They can buy you a beautiful house in the leafy suburbs and also buy you an expensive car. To top it up, they register the car’s log book in your name – just so you know they mean business. The sponsor ensures you go shopping in the world’s best cities; London, Dubai or Paris. They give you a lifestyle beyond your wildest dreams. His demands are very few because he has three other concubines besides you; he also has a big family including grandchildren, so they will never spend time at your house.

His demand to get physical is very low as... well; his energy is low thanks to his advanced age. Mostly, tycoons and prominent people over the age of 50 years fall in this category. They can also be called complete Partners.

#2. Limited Sponsors

A limited sponsor is the kind of sponsor who will give you everything. They will buy you a house and a car but they will register all these possessions under their name. They will also bankroll your life and treat you to luxury holidays... within East Africa. Being that they are still strong, they might decide to have a kid or two with you. They visit you just for a night and dash out just before sunrise. They tend to be more responsible though, as your will later find out, you are not alone in this since they have three other side chicks. They usually fall in the age bracket of 45 years to 55 years. Mr Politician and that lawyer guy is one of them.

#3. Particular sponsors

They are available for a particular day and for a given function. This can be a Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or any social media fan of the chick, who has some consumable salary at the end of the month for pizza. They are the type with six-pack chest you would think was built by the standard gauge railway constructors. They are often in charge of the girls during rugby or football match or when there is something cool happening in town. They are wannabes and the farthest they can take you is “#tembea_kenya_manenos”. Particular sponsors are often worshipped in bed. Enough said!

#4. Mini sponsors

This is where most sponsors fall. This guy will contact you during end month when he knows he has his Sh50,000 net salary. He will take you out for rave in ‘Westie’ or ‘West-E’ for one too many then ‘chipos’ you the whole night. After this night treat, he goes back to the wife and waits for their next pay day to contact you.

#5. Industrial sponsor

This is the one who shares his knowledge or personal service with you. They are also called ‘mafisi’. They will only buy you a drink after they have hustled the whole day for that money. Then want to ‘chipo’ you.

#6. Silent sponsor

This last one is the one who does not take active part in the business of the sponsorship though in the real sense he is the real ‘fisi’. Think AY and Diamond singing; “Nakula kwa macho...”

God help all of us, at this rate, your father is gone!

Last week images of the "old" men went viral after they were shared on social media with hashtag #MrStealYourGrandma’. Since then, stylish grandfather from Texas (Number 1) has captured the imagination of many Kenyan girls who have been talking about his peppered beard and his stylish outfits as well as his well-toned physique.

Here are their messages a few sponsors had to share;