Most Common Marital Problems and Ways to Solve Them
No one can boast about having a perfect marriage. Although relationships are hard work, the commitment involved in marriage amplifies problems tenfold, and can make even the happiest of couples red with fury.
Common marital problems and how to solve them
Fortunately, there are simple and effective ways to cope with common marital problems. Most of these require some effort, but the payoff is well worth the work.
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1. Poor communication. One of the most common problems of married couples, whether newlyweds or those who have been together for several years, is poor communication. Men and women who find themselves ensconced in a bitter divorce with the man or woman they once thought was the picture of perfection can attest: poor communication will erode even the most stable, loving relationships.
How to solve this:
a. Make it a point to spare even just a few minutes of your time each day to talk to each other. Avoid all distractions and focus all of your attention on each other.
b. Agree on rules, such as “No interruptions when someone is talking,” and avoid blaming, generalizations, and hasty conclusions, such as “You always…” or “You never…”
c. Think before you speak. Don’t let your emotions get in the way of a mature, constructive conversation with your spouse.
d. If you can’t say anything good that will help the situation, but instead make things worse, try to give yourself time to calm down or, better yet, try to hold your tongue. Many fights are made worse by speaking without trying to contribute a helpful voice to the conversation.
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2. S*x and intimacy. While s*x and intimacy are also among the most common marital problems, they are often a manifestation of other problem areas in the marriage. Often, lack of s*x and intimacy can become a way to punish a partner after a fight. Still, there are other reasons for an unsatisfactory s*x life, such as erectile dysfunction or loss of libido due to hormone changes.
How to solve this:
a. Talk to a medical expert, or even a s*x therapist regarding erectile or libido problems.
b. Examine your relationship as a whole and how this affects how you both behave in bed.
c. Set aside a time for having s*x, even if it means clearing your calendar and taking your kids to your parents’.
d. Spice up your s*x life by experimenting and trying out new things.
3. Division of labor. The demands of work, house chores, bringing up children, and everything else in between can take a toll on you and your spouse. As if you’re not stressed enough with work, you are greeted at home with chores and family issues. However, that comes with the package you signed up for when you got married whether you are the provider, the caretaker, or a mixture of both.
How to solve this:
a. Talk to your spouse about your expectations when it comes to your responsibilities at home, at work, and with your kids.
b. Set up schedules and rules that work for the whole family not just one member.
c. Be willing to make compromises with each other to create a win-win situation for all. Although it might seem impossible, it is achievable.
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4. Money matters. From the wedding bills even before the wedding bells, money problems can make a mark on your marriage. Then there’s the cost of getting a house, doing renovations, daily expenses, having a baby, putting kids through school, and so many more. Money woes can take a toll on a couple and can lead to many fights, as well.
How to solve this:
a. Sit down together and assess your financial situation. If you are running low, then agree to make budget cuts and be willing to compromise and change your lifestyle to something more cost-effective.
b. Never talk about money troubles when one of you is stressed, as this will just stoke anger and resentment.
c. Be transparent about each other’s financial situation.
d. Agree to have savings and organize your bills and expenses so you can keep track of them together.
e. Decide who is responsible for what when it comes to financial matters.
f. Have short and long-term financial goals.
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5. Feeling taken for granted. There may be times when, with all the demands of your married life and the responsibilities of making a living and providing for your family, you forget about each other’s needs. There will be times when your love life will not be as sparkly and shiny as it was when it was brand new. Now, there are many fights, struggles, and differences that make a mark in your relationship and change it, to the point that you or your spouse may think that the “magic” is gone.
How to solve this:
a. Talk to your partner about your feelings and clear the smoke before agreeing on making your relationship sizzle once more.
b. Revisit the things that you used to do when you first started dating.
c. Rekindle your love by complimenting each other more often, appreciating even the littlest things that you do, and checking up on each other from time to time.
d. Have date nights. Amidst your busy schedules, set aside a time for just the two of you to go on a date or a romantic vacation.
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6. Fights and conflicts. Arguments, differences, and misunderstandings are part of life and of relationships. However, if you and your partner find yourselves fighting over the same things over and over, or tackling fights in an unhealthy, or even violent way, then it’s time to break free from the vicious cycle.
How to solve this:
a. Learn to argue in a more civil and constructive manner, instead of tearing at each other’s throats. Remember: how you react is your responsibility.
b. Take a look at how you argue. Is your reaction geared toward resolution or payback? If it’s for payback, then it’s best to reassess yourself and whether or not your attitude is worth losing your marriage over.
c. Pick your battles. There are issues that are worth standing up for, but there are times when you should just let things go.
d. Apologize when you’re wrong, even if it hurts your pride.
7. Resentment. There may be deep-seated emotions in your relationship that you still haven’t come to terms with. This can cause resentment to build. When resentment enters your relationship, it can undermine the love, trust, and respect that you have for each other, slowly poisoning the relationship.
How to solve this:
a. Assess your feelings of resentment and find out where they stem from. If you’re comfortable talking with your partner *and you should be*, talk to them about it.
b. Understand and determine triggers that bring you to resent your spouse.
c. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong with your partner, think about what you, yourself, can bring to the table to make your marriage better.
d. It takes two to tango, and the same can be said for your issues as a married couple. Instead of blaming, take responsibility for your own actions.
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8. Fidelity and cheating. The number one offender when it comes to broken marriages is infidelity and cheating. Actually, this is the result of a total breakdown of the relationship, instead of the other way around. People who are generally secure with themselves and their marriage don’t go around, looking outside of the relationship to fill a void.
How to solve this:
a. If you feel unfulfilled in your marriage, look at what you are doing to make it work on your end you may not be doing your part in the relationship.
b. See the good sides of your relationship instead of just focusing on what’s wrong.
c. Remember the commitment that you have made to your spouse.
d. If you’re the one being cheated on, remember that you are only responsible for your actions your spouse is responsible for their infidelity. However, something may have deteriorated along the way, and when it comes to that, you can still do your part to fix it.
e. If you’re the one who cheated and want to fix your marriage, show that you are remorseful and work EXTRA hard to build trust again. Don’t expect things to go back to the way they were before, though.
f. Make this a wake-up call and a turning point for your relationship to thrive and make you both even stronger as individuals, and as husband and wife.
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Marriage is extremely difficult, even for the most adoring of couples. Along with marriage comes common marital problems, such as bickering over money or struggling with infidelity. Using the guide above, you can not only infuse your marriage with new life, but also uncover some failings in your own behavior and revitalize your life.
Source: LovePanky.
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